Oh Fairy God Agent, Where ARE You?

"The Perfect Agent"Sung to ‘the Perfect Nanny’ from Marry Poppins

Creepy Query Girl

[Spoken]
Wanted: an agent for one adorable writer


[Sung]
If you want this choice position
Have a cheesy disposition (it’ll help you enjoy this song…)
Rosy cheeks, no warts. (or as few as possible)
Read blogs, all sorts


You must be smart and somewhat gritty,
fairly sweet and very witty
Send my ms on outings, give it 'tweets',
sing songs, eat sweets


Never be cross or cruel
Never give my ms castor oil or gruel (who does that?)
Love it as son and daughter
And never stink of barley water (what the hell is barley water?)


If you won't scold and dominate us,
we will never give you cause to hate us.
We won't copy plots from best selling blue rays
write clichés, or explicit sex in YA,


Oh- Hurry, Agent!
This means the world,


Sincerely,


Creepy. Query. Girl.


Oh yes. She totally did sing it too...