Friday, April 9, 2010

A Query Letter

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Dear Unspecified Agent,


I came upon your profile through eharmony.com. After reviewing your agency website, I firmly believe my manuscript could be puddy in your strong, well shaped hands. I also like long walks on the beach and sing Sinatra lyrics in the shower.

The world of ‘SAVATAR’ will blow your proverbial socks off. Agent Marmucker has been dealing with the loss of his limbs since the bubblegum factory explosion of 2087. On a secret mission to planet Hooters, Agent M. will have the occasion to live a normal life once more. Through technological mindmelding means, he will incarnate the body of an eleven foot tall native boogyfry named ‘Crut’ and infiltrate their tribe. The knowledge he acquires will change his perception of the human race forever. He alone can prevent a war between the two planets by taming the flaming Spleagle-whats and becoming chief of the boogyfry tribe.

Oh yes, and he SAVES THE WORLD.

This is my first almost finished book and I have been writing non-stop for…..five whole days. I think this could really be the next big thing- bigger than Harry Potter and Twilight put together. I am dead serious. Dead. Serious.

Even my neighborhood psychic Sabine says there’s no doubt that SAVATAR will take the world by storm, and she totally predicted Michael Jackson’s disappearance (he’s still alive, btw) - so trust me when I say that this is a win-win.


Thank you for your time,

Sleep Deprived in Detroit

17 comments:

Roland D. Yeomans said...

Notes from Sleep-Deprived In Louisiana : Your hilarious post caught me off guard and I almost spit up coke on my laptop. Thanks, I needed the laughs.

Did you know that there was a murder scene blogfest going on now? http://annerileybooks.com/2010/03/its-gonna-be-a-bloody-one-folks-murder-scene-blogfest-is-here/.

Come check out my entry. It is from my historical fantasy, RITES OF PASSAGE, set in 1853.
http://rolandyeomans.blogspot.com/.

Thanks for the laughter, Roland

Clara said...

Laughed my guts out!

Creepy Query Girl said...

Roland- I'll check that out! thanks!
Clara- Sounds messy. lol.

Talli Roland said...

Hilarious!

Bish Denham said...

Too funny! If only we could write all our queries along these lines....And, thanks for stopping by my blog.

creepyquerygirl said...

Thanks guys! I appreciate the comments! This spoof let me blow off some much needed literary steam:)

Shelley Sly said...

HAHAHA! Brilliant. :D

MissV said...

This was hysterical. I am soooo glad this was a spoof. What would you say to someone who was that clueless? "Errr, original approach"??

SonshineMusic i.e. Rebecca T. said...

Oh my goodness. hahahahahahahahahahahaha! I caught your screenname on one of the blogs I visit and HAD to look you up. Boy am I glad!

Creepy Query Girl said...

Thanks for doing so rebecca! i'm glad it gave you a laugh.- MissV- I wonder what an agent would say if this actually showed up in their box. Then again, they've probably seen worse. lol.

~Nicole Ducleroir~ said...

What a hilarious letter! I stopped by to thank you for your comment on my blog and ended up cracking up at your post! Your bio blurb is funny, too...I love your energy!

Your advice about outlining scenes and then writing chapters is solid. Thanks so much for sharing your process. My WiP started as NaNo vomit, 19 chapters totally pantsed. When I couldn't decipher it and move forward, I went back and started over using the Snowflake Method. I admit though, I got antsy and started writing chapter one before getting to the step where I outline scenes for each chapter.

I think I'm just scared I'm not really a novelist. Unsecurity fits me like an oven mitt. It keeps me from getting burned but I can't get a firm grasp on anything. :P Time to toss them in the incinerator!

Congrats on finishing a novel and best of luck with querying. Looking forward to following you!

Slushpile Slut said...

This was hysterical...You know the sad thing is agents probably do receive queries like this..Thx for stopping by my blog!

Creepy Query Girl said...

Thanks Slushpile slut:) Nicole- What's nanovomit? I was going to tell you to just let it all rip and edit afterwords but it sounds like you've tried this and weren't happy with the outcome. Just remember to write first and foremost for YOU and worry about what other people will think after. Any writing you do, no matter the outlet, will help you get better. Just take your time! And thanks for the comments!

AchingHope said...

Ahahahahahahahahaha.... AMAZING! I especially love the whole "I've been writing for five days" and about your psychic Sabine...

Brilliant. Just brilliant.

(Oh! I found you through Sonshine. Yay!)

Matthew Rush said...

Great fun! Thanks for sharing CQG.

T.J. Carson said...

hahaha that was good. I wish I could just write a sarcastic query letter. that would be funny.

elizabeth mueller said...

LOL, Katie, you are AWESOME!!

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