Tuesday, December 21, 2010

A Woman on a Mission

Of course, all I want for Christmas is a literary agent.  But it looks like Santa isn’t ready to leave me one beneath the tree, tied and gagged with a pretty red bow.  SO I’ve decided to set my sights a little lower.  

This Christmas…I want to get fat.

Yes.  It seems I have actively decided to put on the pounds.  If its main component is butter or sugar it is in. my. mouth.  Getting fat is easy, inexpensive, and kills time like nothing else.  Really, a number one gift idea if I do say so...

Sure, it may be the source of clogged arteries, tooth decay and an expanding waistline but who really cares about the fine print at Christmas?  Who doesn't buy the toy just because it 'may contain chokable pieces'?

I just tell myself ‘life is short and simple pleasures are numbered.  Might as well enjoy the hell out of it before I die, right?’  So in comes the pastries, the white breads, the meat patées, and jellies. 

Plus I’m not doing much writing at this time of the year.  It’s a shame really.   If I’d mixed the buttered sweets with hours spent typing in front of the computer, I’m sure I could get my ‘ass’ets to expand even faster.

Speaking of food, unless Santa does really surprise me with a call back from a fairy god agent, Thursday’s post will be exploring the pleasures of the French ‘Reveillion’- a feast that rivals our own Thanksgiving.   I hope everyone has a fantastic holidayJ

Now, go get fat, people!

*CQG*

35 comments:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I'll enjoy some cookies in your honor!

Samantha Vérant said...

No. More. Cookies. Nom, nom, nom. Okay, maybe just one more...

Candyland said...

I (apparently) want to get fat too. I curse the cookies. Curse them, I say.

Tessa Quin said...

I'm on it! I'm making Ritz-treats today (peanut butter mixed with icing sugar smeared on Ritz crackers, and then cover the whole thing in chocolate...mmmmm).

Stina Lindenblatt said...

I'm seriously working on the fat part. After yesterday's Christmas blogfest (with pictures of Chrismas treats), I ended up baking instead of writing. And with baking comes eating. ;)

Yep, an agent is on my list to Santa. I really hope he comes through this year. :D

Alesa Warcan said...

Bon appetit!

Pk Hrezo said...

I've had no luck finding my fairy god agent either. But 2011 is right around the corner-- a whole new year of possibilities!
Hope your Christmas is tres bon. I'll have a sugary fat cookie in your honor. Gosh darn I love this time of year. Yum-o!!!

Vicki Rocho said...

hahahaha...way ahead of you on that one! I'm looking to go the OTHER direction now. Damn Christmas Cookies.

Laura Pauling said...

Trying my hardest to ignore the cookies. Notice, I said try! :)

Nicole L Rivera said...

Lol. I'm doing the opposite. Trying to stay away from sweets till Friday, but then it's a free-for-all. Next year I think I'll switch to your method. Sounds like more fun :)

Slamdunk said...

Now that is a holiday thought I can take and run with--too the fridge that is.

Your wish will happen--hang in there CQG.

DL Hammons said...

*stuffing my face with a brownie in one hand and a piece of Godiva chocolate in the other*

Wife: "What are you doing?"

Me: *swallowing* "Katie the Creepy Query Girl wrote a blog sayings its okay to get fat for the holidays."

Wife: "Is she published?"

Me: "No, but I'm confident that she'll land an agent very soon."

Wife: *Taking food from me* "When she does, then you can get fat."

Me: :(

Matthew Rush said...

As if I needed permission! I'm already big, so now I get to get huge. YAY!

Tamara Narayan said...

I have a mission to cook 3 dozen cookies for my daughters school celebration tomorrow. Can I keep from eating the dough? Salmonella be damned, I doubt it!

lbdiamond said...

It's important to have short-term and long-term goals. I like how you've decided on getting fat as a short-term goal and getting an agent as a long-term goal, LOL! (I've done the same...nom, nom, nom!)

Kate said...

busy baking all sorts of wonderfully unhealthy goodies with the kids - hey - it's Christmas :-) Enyjoy!

Elena Solodow said...

I'm pretty sure I will not read this resolution anywhere else on the blogosphere today.

Melissa Gill said...

I think I'm going to ask for the same thing, "to get fat". That way I'll be SURE to get what I want!

Dawn said...

Bummer, I asked Santa for that LAST year and he totally delivered. Now I'm asking for the opposite - I hope Santa doesn't think I'm too fickle to grant this Christmas wish :-) Merry Christmas, Katie. Hope all your wishes come true...especially the "agent wish."

Laura Maylene said...

That's the spirit!! Best of luck to you on your journey. And don't let the apple I'm currently eating fool you -- I'm planning to consume 18 pounds of sugar before the week is up. Bon Appetit!

Nicole Zoltack said...

Here's hoping we all get agents for Christmas! :)

And I am so doing the fat thing. Gah, Christmas cookies certainly aren't helping me lost the last pounds to return to my pre-baby weight, in fact I gained a couple back. :( Oh well, that's what New Year Resolutions are for, right?

Carolyn Abiad said...

Fat is the new black, I say! So all of you who wear those skinny jeans can donate your cookies here. :) (Don't worry CQG, I'll share with you!)

randine said...

Well I was lucky enough to contract the stomach flu one week before christmas, so I'm going in minus five pounds, which is a real bonus, I can gain ten pounds and only be up five.

And I do hope you get an agent for Christmas. That would be the best gift.

Anne R. Allen said...

If working as hard as we do at getting a literary agent results in utter failure, maybe working just as hard at getting fat will make us thin?

Hart Johnson said...

YAY! Not just permission, but an ORDER! I not only CAN eat what I want... I HAVE TO!!! Oh, this pleases me...

As for the agent: Oh, they're on holiday already... yeah... don't hold your breath... and by all means leave the gag OFF--you need her to be able to speak on your behalf. What you WANT is one you have a bunch of dirt on so you can force her to do your bidding enthusiastically and often!

Old Kitty said...

Fat is so the new thin!! Oh yes!!
:-)

Take care
x

Michelle said...

I've actually sent myself on a writer's retreat where I'm being fed three very square meals a day, with all the home baked cookies and banana cake I can squeeze in! Highly recommend it for adding a few pounds to your word count if you find yourself in Devon anytime soon!

Caledonia Lass said...

I've done the fat. Been there, got the t-shirt. Now I need to be reasonably healthy and ... trim because I did the skinny thing too. Horrible!
Good luck on the agent and yes, they're on holiday. Better to wait until after New Year's at any rate. And I agree with Hart, leave the gag off but have lots of dirt. Extortion sounds so much more elegant than Blackmail... XD

Dianne K. Salerni said...

The cookies don't really tempt me all that much. Yeah, I know. Everybody is throwing their cookie crumbs and discarded candy wrappers at me.

But don't worry, I'll be putting on weight by digging into the dips and chips and chocolate covered pretzels and cheese rolls and crackers. I go for salty over sweet, most of the time ... but in the long run, I'll end up in the same place ... undoing the top button on my jeans.

mshatch said...

We get a ton of stuff from our clients every year, and I fight it every single year but now that you've said this, I wonder why? Why not just eat two or three chocolate biscotti's with my coffee in the morning?

Can't wait to hear about Reveillion :)

Susan Fields said...

I was just thinking this morning: Where is my mom to tell me "no more cookies" when I need her? Things have really gotten out of hand this year...

Talli Roland said...

Cookie cookie cookie!

Honestly, I can't control myself any longer when it comes to food. I've given up.

Have a great Christmas. xx

Grammy said...

Yum! Sounds like a "tasty" Christmas. Merry Christmas and a Happy New year
Love,
Ruby Young

Raquel Byrnes said...

Enjoy your snacking and I can't wait until your post on the French Thanksgiving...who knew they had Native American friends too! 0_o

Just kidding. Hoping you DO get an agent soon!

Merry Christmas.
Edge of Your Seat Romance

Lenny Lee* said...

hi miss katie! wow you and me could get fat together. i loooove cookies and all sorts of sweet stuff. i bet that french thanks givings got lots of sweet stuff too! :)
...big sweet hugs from lenny

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