Okay, so nanowrimo is starting to make me feel a little like Jekyll and Hyde. This weekend I was filled with optimism.
Then this morning I spent fifteen minutes staring at a blank page.
I don’t like what I’ve written.
I’ve begun this book all wrong.
And this idea!?
Okay. I still think the idea has merit. But it’s like having this very specific, vibrant, colorful image in my head- but when I go to paint it, everything is ‘off’’. The colors are dull, the lines blurry- it’s just a shadow of what I’d hoped to capture and not coming out at all the way I’d imagined.
Now comes my inner conflict- After getting almost 4k into it, should I trash it all and start from scratch? 4k isn’t that much, after all. Or in the spirit of Nano- should I just keep writing from the point I’d want to see things change and tell myself I’ll go back and cut at the end of the month?
To be honest, the second idea makes me cringe. Just like old habits dye hard- all the new writing habits I’ve acquired through hard work and study of the craft are making it difficult to just let things slide and move on. My inner editor, who was duct-taped to a chair over the weekend, has broken free and is now gibbering loudly in my ear.
It’s saying : ‘Katie. You’ve tried pantsing a project before and look what happened. It’s still sitting in your closet. You might work through it, with it, or around it but you can’t deny it- you are a revision hater and therefore you can’t give yourself the liberty of spewing out a first draft as it comes. And at this rate, this thing is going to end up needing more editing than you’re honestly willing to deal with. Pull out now and save yourself the heart ache. Abort! Abort!”
So it appears Nanowrimo and I are at a stand still.
Okay, that’s not exactly true. It’s more like:
These are the kinds of situations that have me wondering ‘WWJKRD?’.