Friday, December 16, 2011

DL's DEJA VU BLOGFEST is here!

Today, myself, Nicole Ducleroir, and Lydia K are co-hosting DL Hammon’s 

The Gist: Today everyone who has signed up will repost an old blogpost- perhaps from their early days- or a post they feel is the most helpful or worthy of a bigger audience.  

It was a hard choice but I decided to go with an oldie that helped start it all- the post that sparked those first few comments way back when and set the tone for what Creepy Query Girl is today.

I give you the one, the only, the QUERY SPOOF.  A query letter that contains pretty much everything a query…shouldn’t.  I’ve itched to send this out to a real agent, but have never dared.
***
Dear Mister Agent,

I came upon your profile through eharmony.com. After reviewing your agency website, I firmly believe my manuscript could be puddy in your strong, well shaped hands. I also like long walks on the beach and sing Sinatra lyrics in the shower.

The world of ‘SAVATAR’ will blow your proverbial socks off. Agent Marmucker has been dealing with the loss of his limbs since the bubblegum factory explosion of 2087. On a secret mission to planet Hooters, Agent M. will have the occasion to live a normal life once more. Through technological mindmelding means, he will incarnate the body of an eleven foot tall native boogyfry named ‘Crut’ and infiltrate their tribe. The knowledge he acquires will change his perception of the human race forever. He alone can prevent a war between the two planets by taming the flaming Spleagle-whats and becoming chief of the boogyfry tribe.

Oh yes, and he SAVES THE WORLD.

This is my first almost finished book and I have been writing non-stop for…..five whole days. I think this could really be the next big thing- bigger than Harry Potter and Twilight put together. I am dead serious. Dead. Serious.

Even my neighborhood psychic Sabine says there’s no doubt that SAVATAR will take the world by storm, and she totally predicted Michael Jackson’s disappearance (he’s still alive, btw) - so trust me when I say that this is a win-win.


Thank you for your time,

Sleep Deprived in Detroit



67 comments:

Vicki Rocho said...

Crack me up. I missed this the first time around.

Susan Flett Swiderski said...

Too funny! This Deja Vu fest is a great idea, and I've been reading some super stuff. Thanks for hosting it.(Almost makes me sorry I wrote a new post today ...)

April Plummer said...

I love it! You have such a great sense of humor. Can you imagine an agent getting something like that? *shudders*

Timothy Brannan said...

Too funny. But you hear these stories every so often, successful series that started out as a joke... who knows, maybe this would work.

Angela Brown said...

What the frack? How cool is that? This is certainly a unique post that just screams, "I've got some quirky personality, how 'bout you?"

Love it.

Shalet Jimmy said...

I loved it...Sharp sense of humour....

vanyelmoon said...

Hilarious! I will make sure to write a query just like that for my WIP. :) Have a great weekend!

DL Hammons said...

Perfect!!! The CQG wit oozes from every sentence. What a trip down memory lane this is becoming. Thank you so much for helping make this blogfest a reality! You are a true friend...blogging buddy or not! :)

Laura Marcella said...

Love. It.

Ciara said...

I remember this. LOL. I laughed just as hard the second time around. :)

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

That was funny! And I am serious. Dead. Serious.

Donna K. Weaver said...

Love this! The snark is wonderful.

Coleen Patrick said...

E-Harmony!! That is hysterical!! :)

Margo Kelly said...

Well done! HAHA. :)

BECKY said...

Hilarious! Great one to repost! I missed it the first time.

Emily White said...

Hehehehe! I crack up every time I read this. I am dead serious. Dead. Serious. :)

Great choice!

Amy L. Sonnichsen said...

LOL! That is hilarious. Great job and thanks for reposting so all the new followers could enjoy this (like me!).

Julie said...

Glad you re-posted this as it was new to me, and so funny! Thanks for the laughs, and thanks for co-hosting this great fest. :)

Alison Miller said...

LOL - too funny! Great idea for a blogfest!

Colin Smith said...

I'm in query mode, so this was particularly funny for me.

Thanks for the laugh! :)

Lydia Kang said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lydia Kang said...

SAVATAR? OMG, this was too funny! Glad you posted it because I missed it the last time!

Old Kitty said...

I think I'm in love with the boogyfry! Take care
x

Julie Hedlund said...

TOO funny! I honestly think that if you sent this to an agent and then put, "Just Kidding" at the end with a KILLER pitch of your real book, you'd get a bite. It's just that funny.

Thanks for setting up this blogfest. Lots of fun and I'm now a follower!

LD Masterson said...

Stopped by on the blogfest and so glad I did. That was my best laugh of the morning. Thanks.

Haven said...

Love it! This too great. Thank you for reposting this =)

Charley said...

I'm an agent for WhatTheF Films, Godawful Radio, and DubiousLiterary, Inc. Can you send me the full as soon as the first draft is finished? I'm sure it will be just fine. We agents have plenty of spare time to work through typos and plot holes, and we just love to help flesh out one-dimensional characters, so don't worry about fixing any of that first. And we only take 1 percent instead of 15, because we're independently wealthy. Look forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience.
- Weirdo McDumbnut, agent at large

Carrie said...

Love this query spoof. I don't think I'd seen it so I'm glad you reposted it.

Brinda said...

Dear CQ Girl,
I love the sound of this story. Although I have never taken any courses on film making, I feel sure I could make a blockbuster hit with a little tweaking of your story and my Flip camera. I look forward to chatting with you soon. Maybe we could Skype if I can figure it out.
Cheers,
Brinda

Lost_without_a_Map said...

I saw Michael Jackson, too..he lives right next door to Elvis. Do you think your neighborhood psychic, Sabine, could tell me the upcoming lottery numbers?

prerna pickett said...

love it! You should definitely send it out.

Helen Ginger said...

Ya gotta love weird query letters. Well, you probably don't if you're an agent. But I'm not. So I do.

Laurel Garver said...

Nice to meet you, Katie. I love your sensibilities. You could make a mint writing parody stories. :-)

Jessica Bell said...

Hahaha! So funny :o) I really do think you should send this to an agent. One with a sense of humor!!!

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

Great letter. Agents are so unpredictable. Perhaps this could work.

PS Good to meet you through he blogfest and thanks for co-hosting.

julie fedderson said...

This was hilarious! Send it now--I am dead serious. The world needs to know of the plight of the boogyfries.

Donelle Lacy said...

I love this blog-hop. Your entry really made me grin. If you sent that out, I wonder if the agent would laugh. It'd be great if they did. Glad you reposted this!

Margo Berendsen said...

Love the Michael Jackson disappearance (he's alive!!!) reference. Really, loved it all. You pretty much nailed it! :)

commutinggirl said...

Hahaha! :-) Love this...I just wonder why you never sent it around to agents ;-)

Julie Dao said...

Hilarious!! I would totally read Savatar - sounds like it's better than HP and Twilight put together :) :) Great blogfest, thank you for co-hosting!

LynNerdKelley said...

Hahahahahahaha! LOVE THIS! Planet Hooters! So many funny things in your query spoof. Thanks for the laughs!

The Golden Eagle said...

Spleagle-whats--LOL. This is hilarious!

Empty Nest Insider said...

Very funny! Thanks for co-hosting this wonderful blogfest! Julie

Krispy said...

LOL. I'm totally new here, so I loved that you reposted this. I think my favorite part is actually the eharmony opening!

Nisa said...

That is full of awesome shouldn'ts. lol!

Dianne K. Salerni said...

You had me at the opening paragraph ...

Send full immediately.
Plus a photograph of yourself.
Fondly Yours,
Agent

Nicki Elson said...

Write SAVATAR! Write. It.

Good to see why you've fully earned your blog title. ;) Thanks for hosting the fest.

Sarah said...

Brilliant AND hilarious. I think I love the name "Crut" more than I should.

Sophia Chang said...

Lovin' this blog fest!

The sad thing is, this is a way better query - and more entertaining - than a lot of them out there. You should send it to the shark!

Botanist said...

Aww, go on, send it! You know you want to :D

Jemi Fraser said...

Love it! I wonder what the Query Shark would have to say about it??? :)

Gloria Richard said...

LOL funny, clever post.

Thanks for hosting the hop. Still working my way through all of the incredible posts. Brain candy!

Kristy Shen said...

Hilarious! After you get published and have nothing to lose, you should TOTALLY send this.

I love your blog and your alias!

You have a new follower in me :) Hope you can drop by my blog.

Accidentalwriter said...

Sure to guarantee a best seller. I've never had any interactions with publishers - however, if they weren't moved by this - they obviously don't have a pulse (although i have heard that in some cases this is a possibility). Looking forward to reading many more.

Em said...

Hysterical. (And probably the next big thing. Seriously.)

Donna Hole said...

No, really? A great sense of humore is important in the blogger world :)'

.......dhole

Dave King said...

I agree with Donna: you're half way there with your sense of humour. I sincerely hope the other half falls into place for you. Good luck!

C D Meetens said...

So funny! Thanks for re-posting this. I probably wouldn't have found it, and it really made me laugh this morning :).

Hywela Lyn said...

What a clever and funny post - the only thing missing was the bit about 'if you want to know the end, you'll have to read the book'! It must be tempting to send a query like that to an agent soemtines! I love the idea of the deja vu Fest by the way, without it I might never have discovered your blog or this brilliant post!

erinjade said...

LOL! i started cracking up at eharmony and didn't stop laughing.
great choice for the deja vu blogfest. :D

Tracy Jo said...

Lol!! My first almost finished book. Too funny...the whole thing was great. Thanks for the laugh today!

Green Monkey said...

I'm new to you! how could I have been this late the the creepy query fest? really enjoying this blogfest! thank you for making it happen and pushing it forward! MonkeyME

Nancy Thompson said...

It's hilarious & bad enough that some agent might actually like it!

MISH said...

*giggles* What a sense of humour!
Thanks for hosting such an awesome blogfest!
Nice to meet you! *waves*

Theresa Milstein said...

Ha! I love this! I think this would be a perfect query. Seriously!

LTM said...

LOL!!! Ahhh... that's what I need. A psychic neighbor to make a testimonial for me... :D *snort* awesome stuff and a fun fest~ <3

Medeia Sharif said...

This book needs to be available now!

Fun re-post. I'm glad I had a chance to read it.

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