So, I’m not officially signed up for Alex J.’s Insecure Writer’s Support Group, but with the amount of posts dripping in self-doubt that splatter this blog, I might as well be.
In Monday’s post, I announced I was going to dedicate this month to reworking a manuscript for an agent.
Yesterday I took the first step toward revisions.
Holy hopping hell hole! I could't help thinking -'It’s too much! I’ll never be able to make the changes and somehow mold this novel back into a coherent, well-paced, flowing story.'
I feel like I’ve gift-wrapped a present and handed it over to someone who undid the paper, cut the ribbon and really liked what they found inside, at the heart of the gift. But now they’re asking me rewrap the present in a new way, using the same crinkled paper along with a few new strips. And, at the same time, make the whole package gleam as though it was never opened at all.
I can’t help feeling like no matter how tirelessly I iron out the pieces, and try to match the old paper with the new, the wrinkles will still be there, marring the package as visible evidence of my total and complete inaptitude.
Now, deep down I know this is ridiculousness- insecurity talking, pure and simple. Plenty of writers manage to do revisions and have a better, stronger, novel for it and I will too! Right? Right! *averts conviction-less gaze*
It’s daunting, and painful and scary. But, despite all the emotional turmoil, I have a plan. And I’m going to follow it, one step at a time, and do my best (because that’s all we can really do, right?).
As of right now, like many writers, I feel like my best will never be good enough. But I guess the important thing is to keep trying, despite those feelings.
I’ve always envied people who get passionate about revisions and feel comfortable and confident in their ability to make efficient changes in their work. I, on the other hand, am the kind of writer who is constantly wondering if ‘I’m doing it right’. How do you feel when presented with revisions? Do they bring out your love of a challenge? Or do they place a direct call to Madame Insecurity?