Wednesday, February 6, 2013
I Don't Wanna Write!
As some of you might know, I’m officially on home bed rest due to some risks caused by the minor placental abruption I had a couple weeks ago. In the last week, I’ve discovered there are both good and bad sides of being stuck in bed 90% of the day.
Like discovering your husband is even more awesome than you thought (he really is:). Or realizing you don’t have to worry about what time it is, what’s for dinner, who needs to be where or how they’ll get there. (It took me a few days to figure out that worrying about these things was pointless, since I can’t control how anything’s done from now until the end of February and clucking like a disgruntled hen about how I would do these things only serves to annoy my entourage- which is not in my best interest, really.)
When I think about it, it’s almost like I’m on a doctor-imposed momcation! I can enjoy my kids and my family, but nobody needs me for anything. It’s both humbling and liberating.
Months ago, while in the throws of reworking my novel, I would have killed for this kind of free time. And yes, one of my first thoughts while settling into invalid life was ‘Well, I guess now I’ll have time for writing and blogging!’
There’s only one problem.
I don’t want to write. I mean, I always want to write. I love writing. But I can’t seem to make myself want it enough right now to actually, well, do it.
I tried, of course. I re-opened the wip I was working on before the agent revisions became my main focus but I couldn’t manage more than a little tweaking of material here and there before I closed it right back up.
It’s not just a question of inspiration or motivation. I think my writer’s block is a reflection of the deep, dark, fundamental thing that makes me write...(cue Creepy’s auto-psychoanalysis) – which is my irrevocable need/love of escape and adventure.
And I think this fundamental thing might be different for every person- the driving force that pushes each of us to write in the first place.
Through the years, I’ve found I write my best material when three situations arise and come to a crossroads:
1- I’m bored out of my mind with life’s monotony. 2- I’m out of things to read (aka distractions). 3- I’m gripped by an idea that pulls me out of my world and into another, thus giving me the exact escape/adventure I’m looking for.
When these three situations meet, I’ll usually find myself sitting months later with a brand new novel in my lap.
Right now, however, my life isn’t monotonous or boring. It’s been uncharacteristically eventful, frightening, and uncertain- as is my future and the future of our family. Which is why, I think, writer Katie is simply taking a back seat and holding on until she’s needed again (which I pray she will be, and soon:).
What is the fundamental thing that pushes you to write- your writing heart, or center, if you will? Do you think it’s different for everyone? And what situations, have you noticed, have a direct affect on your writing ability/motivation?