Would You Like Some Cheese With That Whine?

Absolutely.  And perhaps some chocolate covered cherries as well.  Fast food... sickeningly sweet caffeinated beverages.  Oh, and sushi.  Yes, lots and lots of sushi.

I have arrived at ‘that stage’ of querying.  Well, actually I arrived there two weeks ago when I got my first query R the very same day I sent out my batch.

For weeks I had been in the revision process and blissfully unaware.  I could dream as I hacked away at my query letter and fifth draft of my MS that ‘this is it!  THIS will be the one!’  I imagined being like those chosen few who only query for a couple weeks- hit a nerve on a dream agent and finish out their lives in literary bliss. 

After all- I’ve done my time, haven’t I?  I’ve made all the mistakes and learned from them.  I spent almost a year in the query trenches with my first book- with several requests for pages,  only to realize my book wasn’t ‘there yet’.  So I put it aside and wrote a second.  Then a third -incorporating everything I’ve learned.  I’ve honed my craft, researched, had TONS of input and help on my query letter.  The positive feedback from my beta readers helped fuel the fire- I can do this! 

Then I made that list of dream agents and thought ‘why the hell not?’  What have I got to lose?

Well, geez Katie- your delusions for one.

Having accomplished all the work- revising the query and sprucing up the draft and finally even feeling ready to #hitsend was like a natural high.  I felt fabulous!!!  For one brief second, I thought- this is it.  It’s gonna happen this time!

It’s like when you’re trying to make a baby.  You spent weeks in bed, perfecting ‘the fun part’ and are now looking down at the pee stick, waiting for the plus (after all your efforts, it’s only natural right?)  and instead there’s a big fat minus sign.

An hour after hitting send, I had my first rejection.

OOooooh.

Okay. 

I see how it is.

Maybe it was a fluke?

Two weeks later- five rejections out of the first batch of ten.

Not a fluke.

Back to the drawing board.  I re-honed my query.  I noticed when querying ‘Gretchen Grey’ that many agents responded to it because of its professionalism and not necessarily the voice.  I’d thought this was ‘hors norm’ since everywhere I went was saying the query needs to be oozing voice and high stakes. 

Maybe mine had too much voice?  Maybe I should damper it down and just get to the damn point?

Maybe it’s just never gonna happen for me.

Yes, two weeks into the query trenches and the questioning doubt arises.   I know.  After being through it already, I should be a veteran, right?  Thick skin, letting it roll of my back, swatting away the rejection like flies and keeping my eye on the prize?  A query monster!

But I’m not a query monster.  I’m a total query wimp; the equivalent of the skinny, pale, nose-bleeder with glasses in the query world. 

So why do I keep doing this to myself?

Well,

The truth is, there are very few things I know (like in a psychic way) about the future.  But one of them is ‘time will always ALWAYS go by’.  No matter what- the clock is constantly ticking.    There will be a year from now, and a two years from now.  There’s no stopping that.

But we can choose how that time is spent.  Sure- I could spend two years doing absolutely nothing but waiting on the shitter.  Or I could accomplish so much more.  I used to tell myself this whenever I looked at the last years of college.  I used to think- this is HARD!  What if I just stopped?  Again, the only thing I knew was that the same amount of time would go by, but I’d have much less to show for it.  So that’s why I keep going now.


Thank you for letting me whine.  Enjoy the spread.  And if I have you thirsty for some optimism, please check out my friend Jessica Bell who just got her publishing deal!!  She is my hero and her story is a light in the darkness!  Congrats Jess!