Wednesday, June 30, 2010

The Battle of Balance Between MS & SO

Yesterday my ms got turned down for a second date.  Poor thing.  She was crying cybersnot out through the speakers.

 I tried to tell her it wasn’t her fault.  After all, the agent said she just didn’t fall as in love with the story as she’d hoped.  My ms turned to me then, her glossy screen eyes gone wide.  “It IS me, then!”  and started hacking up adverbs onto the table.  What’s a writer to do? 

Finally she insisted I pop in a Coldplay cd and feed her Ben&Jerry’s through the power supply and all was well.  I’ll probably take her out for a makeover this summer.

Enough about my ms’s love life.  My post today is about my OWN love life.  What do you do when writing starts taking precedence over spending time with your significant other??

Poor hubby has been a good sport.  He’s got his playstation.  His guitar.   And his iphone to keep him company most of the time.  But I have sensed the occasional ‘eyeroll’ when I say “I just need to finish up this chapter”.   

And I noticed his jaw clench just a little while I was telling my mother how my perfect evening in would be ‘just me, my laptop, and some take out sushi.’

It’s hard to give up time spent with my wip’s because it feels like I never get enough of it.  BUT truth is I wouldn’t trade my husband for the worlds next best seller. 

So what do you do with your significant other to convince them they aren’t coming in second to your wip….(besides the obvious, ofcourse:) ?


Today's question for God or Google:  when did the word 'Epic' become a popular stand in for 'awesome' 'rad' or 'the best'??  I first noticed it while watching 'The Vampire Diaries'.  They said 'it was epic' and my first thoughts were 'you mean, like the odysee?'  

32 comments:

Vicki Rocho said...

Poor hubby. He's so supportive and then feels so neglected in return.

I should make it up to him. Hmmmm...what to do, what to do?

sarahjayne smythe said...

I feel for you but I'm probably not the best person to answer this right now.

Christina Lee said...

my manuscript got turned down for a second date yesterday too. Maybe the two of them should meet, and "compare notes"? ;-)

Let's see, advice... spend quality time first, then put an xbox controller in his hand (kind of like a rattle in a baby's hand) and then slowly tiptoe away to the computer?!?

DL Hammons said...

Go with the obvious. We are a simple breed. :)

Aubrie said...

I find something for him to do to keep him busy :)

Piedmont Writer said...

Well, I should join the club with the rejection party. As for Hubs, maybe you should start writing in bra and panties. Give him the wink eye and say, "If you let me finish this chapter, I'll ... fill in the blank." Like DL said, they're a simple breed.

Dianne K. Salerni said...

I think the obvious is really the only thing that makes up for all the time we spend with the WIP.

And honestly, the obvious is his favorite thing anyway, isn't it?

Make it a REALLY GOOD obvious, and it'll last him for a couple days.

"Wow, that was a great obvious the other night," he'll say. You'll mumble agreement as you click clack away at the keyboard ...

Matthew Rush said...

This is not really a problem for me since I work days and Kelly works nights and weekends. We only get one or two weekday nights together a week so of course we spend them together.

And also, lucky me, I get most evenings and weekends free to write, after I feed the kiddies.

Candyland said...

To be honest, I don't think I do a good job at it. I try, but there are times when I know I've pushed him aside and later felt horrible. It's about balance for sure, but I have a hard time finding it sometimes (did I say "time" enough?!!!)

LTM said...

OMG OMG OMG!!! (Again! Are we the same person?) I just got into a ... disagreement w/JRM because I got up after dinner and went to the computer to (gasp) write. So I guess my response is argue. :o( wah wah waaaahhhh... No, I try to plan some social event or invite people over or encourage him to have a "guys night" or... well, always the obvious.

This is a tough one. But glad to hear I'm not alone. (And sorry, poor MS. Tell her she's really pretty and people do like her.)

good stuff~ :o)

Anne said...

There is a feud between my husband and Shiba (I have a Toshiba laptop) Sometimes he'll just close it in the middle of my work. I think he runs out of ways to display his need for attention and affection.So we get a weird angry/funny combo. In other words I need to make a better effort.

Laura Pauling said...

I'm good here with that because my husband falls asleep when trying to talk after 8:30 so...I'm all set. He likes to read too before he falls asleep.

Sorry about the R. Those kind are hard to receive.

Clara said...

I have an idea Kd! If babysiters are not very expensive in France, you could go out with him on a date night once a week. You guys could go watch a movie, or just eat at mcdonals, or well, go to a more nest loving place. The point is to have time just for you two. And then, when you need to work on your book, he won't be disapointed anymore!

Hope it helps! Luff!

Jen said...

This one is always tough, I try and give the hubs my full attention but when my brain is on MS mode there is no stopping me. In fact this morning my brain was stuck on my MS so I was having a conversation with him while having a conversation with my MC... it just doesn't work.

I do the best I can, cook him dinner, do laundry, sit next to him on the couch, but sometimes it just isn't enough, we all do our best!

Alexandra Shostak said...

Lol, I have to say I love the line about not falling in love with it as much as the agent had hoped. One of my manuscripts has gotten that line a couple times, too. She sympathizes with yours :)

I don't have a significant other, so I can't speak to the second part :-P

Abby said...

I have no boyfriend, but your husband seems like a really sweet fellow. Good luck on the ms, though.

Regarding the question for God/Google: all the teenagers use the word "epic" now. Epic awesome! Epic ice cream bar! Epic shoes!

I don't get it.

The Alliterative Allomorph said...

Oh fruitcake! I do the same thing. He gets all pissed off. But when I see his eyes roll, and say, "ok, don't worry, I'll sit and watch the stupid soccer with you.' and he says back, "Go and bloody write, do what you like." to which, I reply, "no problem mate.' ;o)

hehe, all in good love, though, all in good love.

re Epic, I think the word stinks. There, that's my two cents.

The Alliterative Allomorph said...

PS: SOOO sorry about the rejection :o(

Laura Marcella said...

I don't have this problem because as much as I love writing my hubby loves his XBox! So when I'm writing, he's playing video games. Then whoever is done first (usually me! hubby would play video games all day if I'd let him, lol) the other is done, too, and we do something fun together that we both enjoy.

Try setting up mini-dates. Choose a time, place, activity every week and devote your attention to him, and no talking about writing during those times!

salarsenッ said...

I'm going to suck at answering this and probably confuse you even more. It's damn hard, that's what it is. Pleasing everyone. You have your home: hubs, kids, pets, friends, groceries...whatev. Then there's a working life--if so. Of course you have your manuscript, studying the craft, and blogging. You also have your characters who I'm sure needle you like mine do me. *pulling hair out*

I feel so neglectful of my family and household duties sometimes it's scary. Once again it comes down to balance. Yeah, right.

Set a goal for writing time. Set a goal for hubby time. Seriously. Don't be too hard on yourself if one outways the other on any given day. But setting and writing each down might help.

Tamara Narayan said...

My husband hasn't complained about my writing because I'm the luckiest SOB--I get to write from nine to two-thirty weekdays while the kiddies are in school.

Sorry about the R, but this post is hilarious. I hope I can handle it as creatively when my R comes.

Old Kitty said...

Awww - may your hubby continue to oveflow with understanding!!! I hope he knows this is important to you. I'm sure there'll be a lot of give and take when love prevails.

Sorry - I don't have much to advise. I split with my ex (of ten years) over just this matter.

Take care
x

Shannon O'Donnell said...

My hubby suffers from WIP jealousy, so I periodically have to go several days without it just to show him I can. A little undivided attention goes along way - shared with our 3 little darlings of course! LOL! :-)

Creepy Query Girl said...

Thanks to all of you for your insights on this. Hubby and I are trying to compromise. Its no easier when I take a break from writing cause then its editing, critiquing, blogging, etc...The balancing act is H.A.R.D.

Suzanne Casamento said...

Umm...what significant other? ; )

Kathryn said...

I'm convinced that a writer invented Playstation 3 for the husbands of writers.

Watery Tart said...

Have some KIDS so he can find out what it's like to come in 3rd. I find they stop complaining once there is more than one thing in line in front of them. *cough*

[possibly this approach is damaging to said offspring though]

[in other words, balance? I'm not familiar with this term]

Zoe C. Courtman said...

Aw, I'm with you on this one. I definitely ignore the hubs for too long sometimes. Then I just make myself get up and go LIVE a little with him - otherwise, the writing gets stale, yanno? You gotta live so you can be out there recording stuff with your brain (schtuff to use later when you burrow back into your writing den!). Hugs for your MS, by the way.

Dawn said...

My heart goes out to your MS, hon. Hugz. As for your hubby, I have very little advice. Shall I give him my hubby's iPhone number? Maybe they could form a little club...

WritingNut said...

Le sigh... I don't have this problem as yet, but I really do feel for you!

And warm hugs for your MS - make sure you tell her that things will get better - they always do :) And it's definitely NOT her!

Theresa Milstein said...

I hope your manuscript feels better. There are plenty of agents in the sea.

My husband does get annoyed. Besides the obvious, I find a game of backgammon works. Or I offer to take a walk or sit on the porch for awhile. He doesn't have to know that the manuscript is playing in my head...

February Grace said...

Ahh, Coldplay.

Is there nothing they can't do?

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