Hooligans

As you can imagine, I have noticed some cultural differences between American men and French men.  But today I’d rather talk about something they have in common.  The sport might not be the same.  In the U.S. it’s usually either football, basketball, or baseball. The leading sport in Europe is soccer, of course.

And while I guess you could say American men might be a bit more athletic than Frenchmen (organized sport isn’t part of the school curriculum in France and there are no inter-school competitions like in the U.S.)- there are exceptions.

But in general, I’d say about 80% of American men and Frenchmen alike prefer to enjoy their sports from the comfort of a nice cushy couch, accompanied with an ice cold beer and the companionship of their guy friends.

All of this is fine and good, of course.  Except for one little detail whose logic escapes me:

By some inexplicable trait of universal male-brain damage; men actually believe they are playing the sport.  They sit there, beer in hand and ass firmly planted while they watch the actual athletes exhausting real physical effort for the win-and yet act as though their cries of  “Yes!  Yes! GO!” and “What are you DOING???? Left!  Left!  Look he’s open dammit!”  and “That was a foul!  Off SIDES!!!!!”   --will actually, by some intricate magic or prayer, influence the game on the television.

*Newsflash dudes.*

 It doesn’t.

I mean, I can understand getting swept up in the game.  Sure.  They lose themselves in the moment.  It’s entertainment after all.  But what I can’t understand is how after said game, men like to make triumphant statements like:  “We totally kicked their ass.  We’re going to the finals!”

‘We’?  what is this ‘we’?  You didn’t DO anything!?  You just sat there and shouted at the screen for an hour!  What the hell is wrong with you?

Of course, when you actually state these thoughts aloud, the men look at you like ‘you’re’ the one who’s gone nuts.  (again.  Brain damage.)

And then-to make things worse, some men will actually nurture an everlasting and undying hate for any supporters of a rival team with the logic that anyone who plants their ass in front of the television and routes for the opposite team is a traitor to mankind and must be bad-mouthed, degraded and, in some of the most extreme cases to date- actually die.

It’s madness.  Pure and simple.   And they say women are irrational.  But you don’t see us yelling obscenities at people who can’t hear us and hating others for doing the same.  We don’t take out a baseball bat when we’re Team Jacob faced with Team Edward, for god’s sakes.  Give me a break. 

Male.  Brain.  Damage.

It’s universal. 

Have a great weekend everyone!

*CQG*