Dream Agent RE: YOUR MANUSCRIPT

*Gasps*  Oh no.  It’s only been a few days since I resubmitted. This can’t be good. *clicks on email*

Dear Katie,

Thank you for allowing me to read your revised manuscript.

Okay. Harmless enough so far…

Unfortunately…

Oh.

Shit. 

The ‘unfortunately’. - The link that severs the good from the bad.  The equivalent of an executioner’s axe in the writing world.  Shit shit shit shit shit shit…(this word seemed to repeat without cease in my mind for the remainder of the interlude)

I’m afraid the changes just weren’t enough to…

Oh SHIIIIIT! *clutches chest*.  Oh God. I’ve been hit. OUCH!  Ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch!!!  This HURTS! *Takes deep breaths and moves on.*

I’m very sorry but at this point I can’t offer any more…

OH Noooooooo! *clutches stomach * I think I’m going to puke.

I wish you all the best in your writing endeavors…

*Mouth hangs open in grief, hands reaching towards the sky*  WHYYYYYYYYYY!!!?

*Buries face in hands and struggles to breath for a minute. Looks up between her fingers*

Oh God, it’s still there.

*closes email*

What do I do now?  Should I write back?  Maybe I should write back…*Looks at her hands and wonders why they don’t answer. Starts typing.*

Dear Agent,

I’d like to thank you for the time you took on my manuscript. I wish I could say more but I’m currently dying a slow, painful, bloody, emotional death…

…Watching my ripped-out heart beat outside my body

…And planning a video for youtube

…WHYYYY DO YOU HATE ME????

Okay.  Maybe I shouldn’t write back. 

This is far too emotionally raw. I’ll just go have a drink, chill out, and watch some mindless television for a bit.

*FIVE drinks later*

Dear Agnet,

I thanks you for all your time and fantasmic feedback.  You da bom.  I juss wanna say I try SO HARD!  So. hard… You broke my heart, man. But in the words of the great, late, Whitney- I will always love you…………..SdvUIHILILILILILILILILILILILILILILILILN

*passes out, face down on the keyboard*

***side note: Yes, I did.  No, I didn’t.  And this is in NO way the real letter that I received (which was much more personal and kind) but you get the gist***

So, I’m going to continue to submit my manuscript elsewhere and I have other projects in the works which I’m focusing on. Despite the roller coaster of emotions, working with an agent was a fantastic experience.  Bottom line is, I’m still here.  A little more battered and blue in the self-esteem department but I’m still here. Sushi and wine are helping sooth the pain but I’m still not completely ‘over it’, of course.

What do you guys do to get over a really tough rejection?

When It's All Your MC's Fault

So two out of three requests for my full ms have resulted in rejection.  And thankfully, for once- both agents sighted a very distinct reason for their pass.

My Main Character, Sadie Brooks.

So I decided she and I had to sit down and have a little talk.

Me:  What. did. you. do?

Sadie: *stares, eyes wide*  You seriously think this all my fault? You wrote me the way I am, for crying out loud!

Me:  Did not!  I was going for a pretty, out-going, pragmatic girl with a firm grasp on the reality around her, and a self-deprecating sense of humor that made her come off borderline goofy at times.  What happened?  This agent thinks you’re too blatantly self-serving and unlikeable! 

Sadie:  Tell them to screw off.

Me:  *Slams down rejection letter*  You see!?  This is what I’m talking about!  You’re going to have to suffer a major personality over-haul.  And this agent  *holds up second letter*  says you aren’t unique enough for her taste.

Sadie: Hmn…maybe you should make my hair purple?  Or I could be bald! *smiles wide and bats her eyelashes*

Me:  I’m not going to make your hair purple.  Or bald.  I don’t think that’s what they mean. 

Sadie:  You could make me clumsy.  I could keep walking into things or get paper cuts that attract vampires.

Me: Would you just shut up!?  Maybe I should make you mute.  That would be unique.

Sadie:   You could.  But your plot would go to hell…Hey! You could give me a wooden leg!?  I could even name it! 

Me:  Very funny.  Then I’d have to explain why a teenager would be given a wooden leg instead of prosthetic one.  Makes no sense.

Sadie:  *sighs*  I’m bored.  And hungry.  You got any hotdogs?

Me:  No.  And you don’t like hotdogs any more.  You’re going to have to like something weird and eat a lot of it.  It will make you more unique…and you’re going to have to start being nicer to your peers.

Sadie:  Hey, I’m nice!

Me:  Stop calling them names.

Sadie:  I don’t!

Me:  What about Paul Boyardee?

Sadie: He’s named after a spaghetti sauce, for crying out loud!

Me:  *burries head in hands*  We’ve got work to do.  Prepare to be de-bitchified and unique-afied.

Sadie:  Those aren’t even words.  What the hell kind of writer are you?

Ten Sucky Things That Would Still Feel Better Than a Form Rejection on a Full or Partial MS

Due to not one but TWO heartbreaking rejections this week, my MS and I are interrupting our normally scheduled programming in favor of a much needed Ten Sucky Things That Still Feel Better Than a Full MS Rejection

         1. Realizing you’re out of toilet paper in an empty public bathroom.  After number two.  While on a date.

2.       2. No available parking spaces within a one mile vicinity of your very-important-appointment that you’ve waited months for. 

3.       3. Kids dropping gum in your hair while you sleep that gets so stuck and ground in to your head that you have to cut it out and deal with the consequences.

4.    4. Permanent marker on your face.

5.    5. Dropping the boeuf bourgignion you spent hours preparing on the floor because you forgot potholders.  And you burned your hands.  And you were having your boss over for dinner.

 6.Bird crap on the car you JUST finished washing.

7.    7. When for some god-forsaken reason, your dishes come out of the dishwater dirtier than when they went in.

8.    8.A flickering light that you push on because it usually stops the flickering.  But this time the glass light fixture just pops off and falls on your head.  (yes, this has happened to me.  And yes, it totally hurt.  But not as much as the form rejection.)

9.    9. No internet for a whole WEEK

       10.  Dropping your cell phone in the toilet


       Any other sucky things you guys can think of that feel better than a Full MS rejection?

      My MS is singing her usual song.  Please join in if you know the tune.

 Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight,

 Someone’s thinking of me and loving me tonight.

Somewhere out there someone’s saying a prayer

that we’ll find one another in that big somewhere out there.

And even though I know how very far apart we are,

it helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the nightwind starts to sing a lonesome lullabye,

it helps to think we’re sleeping underneath the same big skyyyyyyyy!

Ooooooh!  Somewhere out there,

 if love can see us through,

Then we’ll be together, somewhere out there,

out where dreams come true…

Ranking Rejections

Rejection is never easy.  It’s not easy to give it.  It’s not easy to receive it.  (Although I’m pretty sure it’s harder to receive it.  But das jus me.)

That said, is it possible that some rejection is better than others?  Have you ever received a rejection that made you feel a little less rejected ?  

Down below I have ten rejections that encompass pretty much every style I’ve ever received.  Which one would you rather have in your inbox?  Is less more?  Or do you like when the agent apologizes and reassures you about your aptitudes?  Up to you to decide!

1. Thank you very much for your query, which we have read with interest. Unfortunately, the project does not seem right for this agency, and we are sorry that we cannot offer to serve as your literary agent.  We also apologize for the form rejection.  The sheer number of queries we receive prevents personalization in order for us to respond in a timely fashion. We wish you all the best in finding more suitable representation, encourage you to query widely, and thank you for giving us the opportunity to consider your work.

2. Thanks so much for your query.  Unfortunately, though, I don't believe I'd be the right agent for your work.  I wish you much success.

3. Thank you for your recent query letter and your interest in Redacted.  We are always eager to hear from writers who are serious about the business of writing; unfortunately, we do not feel that Redacted is the right company to represent your work.  We have to be very selective of what we choose to represent, and all of our decisions are based on a frank assessment of the current needs of the literary and film markets.  The fact that this work doesn’t fit our narrow criteria for representation does not mean it couldn’t find a home elsewhere.  We urge you to submit your work to other agencies or management companies that may be more suited to this type of material.

4. Thank you for submitting your work to Redacted. Unfortunately, your manuscript isn't a good fit for us.  Best of luck with other agencies.

5. Thank you for thinking of me in connection with your writing. I don't feel that I would be the best person to work with you on this project, but I do wish you all good luck placing it in the right hands.

6. I have received your query.  After careful evaluation, I have decided that I am not the right agent to represent your work.  I'm sure another agent will feel quite differently about your material though.  Thank you for considering our agency.  I wish you the best of luck finding representation.

7. Thank you for your submission to Redacted. Unfortunately, we are taking on very few new clients and we did not feel your manuscript was something we would be able to successfully market at this time. Agents often have very different opinions, however, and we wish you the best of luck in your search for representation.  Please be assured that every manuscript is reviewed by at least one member of our staff but due to the high volume of submissions we receive, we cannot offer individual comments on your manuscript.  I am sorry to give you this disappointing news and should stress that this is just my opinion and others may view your work very differently. I wish you every success with your writing.

8. Thank you for your submission to Redacted. We read your query and have come to the conclusion that it is not something we wish to pursue at this time.  Best of luck with your writing career.

9. Thank you for letting me see this.  I’m sorry to say that I don’t feel it is going to be one for me.   The market is very tough at the moment and I can only take on new writers whom I truly believe I can place successfully. Your work has some nice points, but sadly I don’t feel quite the level of conviction that I need.  Wishing you all the best with your writing career.

 10. I'm sorry, but I am probably not the right agent for this work.     I wish you the best of luck with the project. 

As for me, after all the rejections I’ve received, I much prefer #10.  --it’s a rejection so whether it’s a quick one sentence reject or a two paragraph reject, the outcome is the same, so just rip it off like a bandaid! The worst is probably #7 which basically refers to your work as unmarketable.  Strangle me now.

What do you think?

Who is your 'Go-To' person?

We all know that the querying process is wracked with rejection.  And after awhile you build up a thicker skin, let it roll off and do what you gotta do to get better and keep putting yourself out there.  

But sometimes, it WILL get you down.  After all, you’re basically sticking your self esteem out there like a piñata and asking agents and professionals to take a whack.  At some point, there's just no more candy people. 

If you’re lucky, there’s somebody out there who will help you restock and duck tape the brightly colored crepe paper back together. 

Someone who says - “You can do it!  Just keep going!  I believe in you!  You’re a great writer!  Don’t give up!”.

If you have someone like that….well rooty toot toot for you:) lol.  I hope you realise just how lucky you are!  

This is the conversation I usually have with my dear husband when rejection gets me down.

Me:  *pouting on the couch with another order of take out sushi we can’t afford* ( It  just makes me feel better)

Hubs:  “What’s wrong?”

Me:  “I got another rejection.”

Hubs:  *deep sigh, maybe some eye rolling*  “Are you gonna be like this all night?”

Me: *throwing down a chopstick*  “You don’t know how it feels!  I’m doing everything I can, it’s just not happening for me!”

Hubs:  “Well, hunny.  Maybe you’re just not a good writer.”

Me:  *eye twitching*  “My writing is fine.  It’s not the writing.  It’s just hard to find the agent who’s looking for my story exactly.”

Hubs:  “Well maybe your story just isn’t interesting enough.  Why don’t you write a new one?”

Me:  *hand closing around chopstick and contemplating whether or not the dull end would pierce his aeorta*  “I have written a new one.  And a third.” *grit teeth* “I haven’t queried them yet.”

Hubs:  “Why bother?  Why put yourself through all this?  Look at your face!  You look like someone died.”

Me:  *psycho eyes* “Just wishful thinking I guess.” 

By now I’m sure you guys realize, for me YOU ARE  IT!  YOU are my go-to people.  Hubby has had it up to ^ with talk about writing, blogging, and querying. 

My family usually responds with a polite “That’s nice Katie.” Or  “Just keep doing what your doing!”  In other words:  ‘Don’t talk to us about this until you have some actual news.  You’re boring.’

And then there are those that respond with the ever astounding “That’s great!  You know I always say everyone has at least one book in them!” 

Yes.

 

Yes, that might be true…Thank you for reminding me I’m just like everyone else.  Anyone can write a book, after all. *sigh*

I LOVE YOU GUYS!  All my followers- everyone who’s spared me a kind word or a pick me up in the last few months. 

Really, without all of you I’d have a dead husband and estranged family.

I’m sorry I’ve been a little MIA the last few weeks.  Kids started school last Thursday and since then I’ve been in the vice like grip of off net life.  I miss ya’ll and I’ll try to come around this week!

*CQG*

A Message From Creepy's MS

Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight,

Someone’s thinking of me and loving me tonight.

Somewhere out there someone’s saying a prayer

that we’ll find one another in that big somewhere out there.

And even though I know how very far apart we are,

it helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star

And when the nightwind starts to sing a lonesome lullabye,

it helps to think we’re sleeping underneath the same big skyyyyyyyy!

Ooooooh!  Somewhere out there,

 if love can see us through,

Then we’ll be together, somewhere out there,

out where dreams come true…

Ten Sucky Things That Would Still Feel Better Than a Form Rejection on a Full or Partial MS

In light of this week's big ‘R’, and back by popular demand (for real this time ! Thanks Bethany Elizabeth:)  

Please give it up for this week's ten sucky things.  – Brought to you straight from the comments section of our last sucky installment. 

1. A really smelly fart, of the kind that precedes diarea. That fart you can taste in your tongue as you close your nose and try to breathe through your mouth.  All in a closed, non ventilated enviroment.  Disgusting, but still better then a rejection.- Clara  (wonderfully descriptive, thank you)

2.Having my puppy defecate in the kitchen while I am tied up momentarily with an armload fully of groceries so that she then steps in her own feces and playfully spreads it around the tile - is pretty shitty (see what I did there?) but it is not worse than a rejection on a submission.- Matthew Rush

3. I'd rather get bitten by Edward Cullen than get a rejection....er, nevermind.- MBW aka Olleymae

4. I'd rather be forced to sit and listen to a bad concert or band who I loathe than read a 'R' letter. See - I can't even write the word! :)- Talei

5.I would rather clean a bar bathroom...make that the men's bathroom, than get a form rejection letter.- Diane J.

6.Cleaning up vomit for SIX HOURS STRAIGHT (I am not exaggerating!) when my two children had the stomach flu was WAY more fun than reading another rejection.- Solvang Sherrie

7.Going to the toilet at night when the bulb has blown in the bathroom, and sitting on a slug that has obviously circumnavigated the toilet seat. This was in a house without running hot water or insulation, in the dead of winter, when there was snow on the ground outside. Washing slug slime off your butt with cold water doesn't rank high on the comfort scale.- Mary Witzl

8.The pasta sticking in the collander when you try to pour it to the bowl, and then the jostle you give it throwing half OVER the side of the bowl all over your bare feet. (I still have orzo between my toes)--but STILL better than a form rejection to a partial (haven't even had a REQUEST for a full yet! *cries*)- Watery Tart

9.I'd rather shovel my car out of the snow in June than face a form rejection! (And this is saying something. You can't quite understand the hatred of car-in-snow-shoveling unless you've grown up somewhere you do that five months of the year.)- Bridge Marie

10.Stabbing my ear with a freaking q-tip. Owww! Too deep! Now, every time I yawn it hurts- Vatche

What are your sucky things that still feel better than a rejection??

Also- I wanted to say THANK YOU for all the birthday wishes yesterday and comments on my photos!  You guys made this the best 'coming out' evah!  I'm sending this song out into the bloggosphere for all of you- my blogging buddies.  You guys rock! Have a frickin fantabulous weekend!

*CQG*

The Battle of Balance Between MS & SO

Yesterday my ms got turned down for a second date.  Poor thing.  She was crying cybersnot out through the speakers.

 I tried to tell her it wasn’t her fault.  After all, the agent said she just didn’t fall as in love with the story as she’d hoped.  My ms turned to me then, her glossy screen eyes gone wide.  “It IS me, then!”  and started hacking up adverbs onto the table.  What’s a writer to do? 

Finally she insisted I pop in a Coldplay cd and feed her Ben&Jerry’s through the power supply and all was well.  I’ll probably take her out for a makeover this summer.

Enough about my ms’s love life.  My post today is about my OWN love life.  What do you do when writing starts taking precedence over spending time with your significant other??

Poor hubby has been a good sport.  He’s got his playstation.  His guitar.   And his iphone to keep him company most of the time.  But I have sensed the occasional ‘eyeroll’ when I say “I just need to finish up this chapter”.   

And I noticed his jaw clench just a little while I was telling my mother how my perfect evening in would be ‘just me, my laptop, and some take out sushi.’

It’s hard to give up time spent with my wip’s because it feels like I never get enough of it.  BUT truth is I wouldn’t trade my husband for the worlds next best seller. 

So what do you do with your significant other to convince them they aren’t coming in second to your wip….(besides the obvious, ofcourse:) ?


Today's question for God or Google:  when did the word 'Epic' become a popular stand in for 'awesome' 'rad' or 'the best'??  I first noticed it while watching 'The Vampire Diaries'.  They said 'it was epic' and my first thoughts were 'you mean, like the odysee?'