Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Who is your 'Go-To' person?

We all know that the querying process is wracked with rejection.  And after awhile you build up a thicker skin, let it roll off and do what you gotta do to get better and keep putting yourself out there.  

But sometimes, it WILL get you down.  After all, you’re basically sticking your self esteem out there like a piñata and asking agents and professionals to take a whack.  At some point, there's just no more candy people. 

If you’re lucky, there’s somebody out there who will help you restock and duck tape the brightly colored crepe paper back together. 

Someone who says - “You can do it!  Just keep going!  I believe in you!  You’re a great writer!  Don’t give up!”.

If you have someone like that….well rooty toot toot for you:) lol.  I hope you realise just how lucky you are!  

This is the conversation I usually have with my dear husband when rejection gets me down.

Me:  *pouting on the couch with another order of take out sushi we can’t afford* ( It  just makes me feel better)

Hubs:  “What’s wrong?”

Me:  “I got another rejection.”

Hubs:  *deep sigh, maybe some eye rolling*  “Are you gonna be like this all night?”

Me: *throwing down a chopstick*  “You don’t know how it feels!  I’m doing everything I can, it’s just not happening for me!”

Hubs:  “Well, hunny.  Maybe you’re just not a good writer.”

Me:  *eye twitching*  “My writing is fine.  It’s not the writing.  It’s just hard to find the agent who’s looking for my story exactly.”

Hubs:  “Well maybe your story just isn’t interesting enough.  Why don’t you write a new one?”

Me:  *hand closing around chopstick and contemplating whether or not the dull end would pierce his aeorta*  “I have written a new one.  And a third.” *grit teeth* “I haven’t queried them yet.”

Hubs:  “Why bother?  Why put yourself through all this?  Look at your face!  You look like someone died.”

Me:  *psycho eyes* “Just wishful thinking I guess.” 

By now I’m sure you guys realize, for me YOU ARE  IT!  YOU are my go-to people.  Hubby has had it up to ^ with talk about writing, blogging, and querying. 

My family usually responds with a polite “That’s nice Katie.” Or  “Just keep doing what your doing!”  In other words:  ‘Don’t talk to us about this until you have some actual news.  You’re boring.’

And then there are those that respond with the ever astounding “That’s great!  You know I always say everyone has at least one book in them!” 

Yes, that might be true…Thank you for reminding me I’m just like everyone else.  Anyone can write a book, after all. *sigh*

I LOVE YOU GUYS!  All my followers- everyone who’s spared me a kind word or a pick me up in the last few months. 

Really, without all of you I’d have a dead husband and estranged family.

I’m sorry I’ve been a little MIA the last few weeks.  Kids started school last Thursday and since then I’ve been in the vice like grip of off net life.  I miss ya’ll and I’ll try to come around this week!



Anne Gallagher said...

Real people in the real world, just don't understand what writers have to go through. It's no wonder all the greats were addicted to something. That's what makes this community so awesome. We have each other's backs.

Jade said...

Dude. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't get this. Because you can. If you want it bad enough and work at it--at least that's what I tell myself when the going gets rough. If it was easy, everyone would do it. And there'd be a lot more awful books getting published!!

The cherry on the cake? When you do get the agent/deal, you can do the 'told-ya-so' dance for all the doubters. Unless you'd like to take the high road, that is!

Keep at it!!!

Laura Pauling said...

That stage of querying is the hardest. But I think it is physically impossible to feel hopeful about our querying - every day. I'll start feeling down without a rejection! And then a few days later start feeling up again. Whatever! Realize it's very normal - read books, watch television and give yourself 24 hourse to sulk.

Do you need someone else to read over your query letter or the first chapter?

Vicki Rocho said...

If you'll just hand me your other chopstick, I'll be happy to teach your hubs a lesson, ninja style.

Mine can say some pretty insensitive things too, he just doesn't hear the comments the same way we do!

Happy to be part of your support team.

Creepy Query Girl said...

Thanks you guys! I'm pretty sure my query is solid (at least getting me requests along with rejections) but I've put querying on the backburner while I finish this wip. Then I've got some serious revisions to do on my first manuscript after a wonderful author took the time to read it and give feedback (thanks Dianne!) before I send it back out for another round.

Laura- I'm very much like you- ups and downs. I'm kind of in the middle right now, just concentrating on the work. I do love querying actually- but just the packaging and sending out and even the anticipation. The rejection does put a damper on it all though:)

Lindsay said...

Hugs. I feel the same way as you. While I love my family and friends, non-writers don't seem to understand the same way.

Keep going though. I know you can do it. :)

Unknown said...

I find my family is the least understanding when it comes to the process of writing. My husband is understanding to a certain point but he prefers the positive "It'll all work out," approach which leaves me upset that he's TOO positive.

Sometimes my man just can't win, but he's still there when I need him. However I'm with you on this one, my blog buddies are the people I turn to when I've found myself in a crazy self-loathing, wallowing phase. They're hard to climb out of, unless you are around people who've climbed out and made it all the way to the top!

You'll get there, we'll be on the sidelines cheering for you!

Unknown said...

My husband learned awhile back to hold his comments. :) And of course you can do it! I'll be sure to pre-order as soon as you hit Amazon.

Christine Fonseca said...

yeah, I can't talk with my family about the rejection blues - they are sympathetic, but not like my writerly buds! THAT is where I get my support!

Aubrie said...

Wow, my hubby is like your hubby. I go to my beta readers and my CP's, and my mom.

Matthew MacNish said...

The only person in my family who has even read my WIP is my daughter, because she wants to be a writer, and she's only read part of it. The others just don't get it, so I don't talk to them about it.

I feel your pain though, and that is why we're here for you! Let me know if you ever need anything Katie.

Old Kitty said...

You hang on in there!!!! And step away from the chop stick!! LOL!!!

Good luck with your submissions!!! Take one day at a time, regroup, deep breath and off again. You can only go upwards and onwards!

Take care

Stina said...

My husband's very understanding . . . as long as I don't talk about it. So we have the perfect agreement. I buy books to drown my sorrows and not talk to him about it (I have 13 new ones and I haven't started querying yet!), and he won't complain about me buying books(especially since he invests in one of Canada's major book chains). It's a win-win situation!

I've learned not to talk about my writing to my parents. Same experience as you, Katie.

My kids are more interested, especially when I land a request because that means I'm buying a yummy cake to celebrate. That and I told my 6 yo, when she was 4, that I would buy her a cat if I land an agent. Naturally, she remembers said promise.

Thank God for our blogging writer friends!

Samantha Vérant said...

I'm lucky I have a supportive husband. Lucky.

***hides knife***

But I love and need the support I get from other writers. We "get" it.

Boy, oh boy, do we get it. Yeah, having left YA for a bit, I'm really looking forward to querying my memoir...

Your bio is hysterical, by the way.

Steena Holmes said...

I think most hubby's are the same.
I just bake. And bake. And bake. I have too much in my house right now - from a cake, to tart, to cheesecakes and cookies .... I decided last night I need to start on another project to get my mind off the query stage.

Unknown said...

I haven't had much rejection yet and so my husband is supportive. I think he's hopeful I'll make it rich and he can retire. I haven't told him writers don't make much money.


Colene Murphy said...

No one but a writer could understand what it feels like to put so much work and effort and emotion into one thing and then send it out there to get judged on how worthy it is. It takes a tremendous amount of strength just to hit send and not hold onto it like a drowning person, afraid of what you'll hear.
Keep fighting! One day you'll get to nanner-nanner your husband and that alone should be worth it ^_-

Amparo Ortiz said...

Never, ever, E-V-E-R quit. Just hang in there--I know you've probably heard that things happen when they're supposed to, but it's true.

See? Even cliches can be awesome sometimes.

And yeah, writer friends keep me going. But so do the haters.

I mean, non-writing peeps... :)

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Maybe you need to fill your husband with candy and treat him like a pinata!

Candyland said...

My go-to is my cat. He sucks really bad. I just look at him and I feel better about what I'm doing with my life. He's going nowhere. Oh and online peeps. Yeah, that makes more sense.

Melody said...

Awwww, Katie! We're here for you! And so is your husband; it's just not his gig. We'll take the overflow, how about that? :) And happily! You're awesome - don't give up!

On another note, I never thought of sushi as a comfort food like that (though I do like sushi). I shall have to try it sometime...

Hart Johnson said...

For a minute there when you said your hubby was your go-to, I started to get jealous and then realized you are married to one of MY hubby's clones!

Absolutely, this blog family (and my writer's group) is what keeps me going. Only fellow writers really get it.

*sending hugs*

Emily White said...

Oh no! *hugs* My family is the exact same way. I don't even tell them what stage I'm at because I know they just don't care. To them, I'm still the baby of the family who thinks she can be the empress of the world. Sigh.

Hang in there. Your agent is out there, I'm sure of it. :D

Anonymous said...

I have people who are supportive and will listen if I'm feeling frustrated, but not one specific go-to person who understands what I'm feeling and knows what to say. It's not that anyone has to know what to say, it would just be great if I didn't have to talk myself off of the rejection ledge every now and again. That's one reason the blogging community is so wonderful!

Melissa said...

Non-writers just don't understand. They really don't. I mean, I'm lucky, my family really does support me and they try but...whenever I talk about anything writing related they don't really say anything. They'll be like, you just have to keep going but they don't ever have any advice, or don't really know what to say because they just don't get it. I wish they did and it can be so frustrating when I go to them for advice and it just isn't there. It makes me want to scream. Then I remember my bloggy buddies and I know you guys will be there because you get it, you understand and are a great support system.

So thank YOU as well.

Ps. Sushi also makes me feel wonderful when I'm down. Yummy.

Valerie Geary said...

I love your pinata analogy. It's perfect. :)

randine said...

Ohmygod I think you're married to my husband, too. We have had the exact same conversation. He's like "why can't you just write something with explosions in it? That's what people want to read."

It's very annoying.
Hang in there.
You're going to get rejection but don't let rejection get you.
That was some crap advise that someone told me once. It didn't really help. Nothing really does. Except booze.

Jillian said...

Oh my you crack me up!!! Don;t get down though, it's tough.... but I can tell just from your blog that you write well!!! Keep it up love!!!

Jolene Perry said...

I always look forward to reading your posts when my little reader says you've written something so you'll be published. No worries ;)

Nicole Zoltack said...

You have to be a writer to understand. I honestly think that writing isn't as solitary as some people might think. We need encouragement and feedback and readers. We can't do this alone. *hugs*

BK Mattingly said...

You are a wonderful writer. I always love reading your posts. This part of this post I had to share with my roomie and another writing buddy and we all enjoyed it: "After all, you’re basically sticking your self esteem out there like a piñata and asking agents and professionals to take a whack. At some point, there's just no more candy people." It will happen, just remember Dory, "just keep swimming, swimming, swimming." :)

DL Hammons said...

My go-to person is my wife. She is 100% supportive of my writing and even has to nudge me to keep me moving forward. That sucks that your hubby can't be there for you like that...it is exhausting...but I'm glad we can be. We'll lean on each other, back to back!

lexcade said...

to be honest, i rarely bring it up outside of writing circles. they all know what i'm going through; everyone else doesn't really get it and when i try to explain it to them, their heads explode (not really, but probably...). so...yeah.

Anonymous said...

Hey, Katie!

Don't worry too much. You just have to keep on trying and trying and eventually you'll be on the shelves in no time. You got to just step up your game and make your writing even better somehow. I believe in you!

So, put those chopsticks down and write on!

Dianne K. Salerni said...

I'm glad you have a place to vent! Chopsticks in the aorta can be messy!

We are all happy to be your Go-to people, and I can tell you that you have absolutely no reason to give up. I've read your work! You have the talent!

I'm lucky to have a supportive family. The youngest daughter acts like Mary Poppins -- and my husband would never tell me to give up. He's the person who pushes me to keep going.

However, he sometimes wishes I would spend more time with him in the evenings and less time with my characters. And when we do ... ahem ... get together, he's never sure if I'm thinking about him or a certain male romantic lead in one of my WIP's.

Now THERE's a blog post idea!

Natalie Decker said...

I enjoy your threads, and I know your pain. I've been down this road so much it isn't funny. But I did something different that might help you, if you possibly haven't even had request i don't know I'm a new follower and haven't read all of your threads. The ones i've read I;ve loved. I'm getting carried away again, sorry i tend to do that. *smacks self* Alright, What i tried differently this time around to help my Query letter b/c i positively hate writing those Darn things, was have one of my beloved beta's read over a snippet of what I made up and asked, "Hey, I know this is awful, what do you suggest i do to change it? or i asked another if you could describe my story from your POV what could you come up with?" Then i took all that info from three beta's, then i made another Q. letter and asked tham all what they thought. they reread edited it and all sent it back with all there input. I saved all of them twisted each paragraph with one of their pieces of advice and cmae up with a winning q. letter =) I hope this helps.

Diane said...

My husband doesn't "get it" either. I am so thankful for my few besties and my blogging community to boost me up when I'm down too. :O)

BTW- You could have totally taken him with that chopstick....

Ricky Bush said...

Hey, sometimes wives don't get it either. Mine didn't until a small publisher offered me a contract. Now she goes around bragging about me.

Anonymous said...

If I were your hubby, I think I'd be ordering pizza instead of sushi--no chopsticks. :) Keep going girl! Surround yourself with lots of supporters who 'get it' is so important.

Tamara Narayan said...

I'm sorry your husband doesn't get it. Mine is the opposite. He fully expects me to get him into the Oscars where my book turned film will win an award! I just smile, pat his head, and say, "Yeah, right." He says, "You just have to be-lieve!"

Talli Roland said...

I go to my husband. He's a film director pitching his film right now to distributors so together we can drown our rejection sorrow... it's good sometimes, but not alway!

LTM said...

He does NOT say that. He is so gonna get kicked in the tushie... :D

They just don't understand. I do have some great peeps I whine too, but I try to rotate them... LOL! :D

You're doing great--that ghost story was AMAZING! My mom says it's like fishing. You just have to keep putting the bait out there. You'll catch a fish one of these times! Patience~

Jo Schaffer said...

I feel ya, girl. The discouragement can be a major buzz kill. Especially when you feel so excited about your story and you just KNOW it's good!
Hang in there...you'll find your love connection...while waiting enjoy the writing. It's the thing.


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